i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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