he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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