Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
