Don't you send me to vm
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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