I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
