my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
