Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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