He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
