Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
