I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
