I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize