I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize