Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
