just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
