Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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