Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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