after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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