You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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