My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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