I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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