if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
