You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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