why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
