Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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