You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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