your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
