At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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