i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
how does that bad decision feel?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
