All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize