I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
