Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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