So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
