i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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