Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
