he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You can't just leave with hair like that
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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