I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
