I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
