So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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