I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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