Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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