I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
