Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
