I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
