Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
