how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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