i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
