birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
