I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
