some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
