She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
