I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
