i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
