So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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