My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
