I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
