i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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