worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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