So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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