I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
