Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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