i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
