My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
