I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
