Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
how does that bad decision feel?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
