how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
