He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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