He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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