and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
