My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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