I intend to get homeless drunk
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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