Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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