I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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