So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize