We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
