You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
