i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
