Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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