He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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