I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
