can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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