we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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