if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
