If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Come on in and take your pants off
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