I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
