Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
