There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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