I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
foreskin is a definite game changer
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
