I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
