I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
