the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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