These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well I just put wine in my tea
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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