then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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