Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
