He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
