Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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