Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
