he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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