So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
