he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
