Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Randomize
