An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
