My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize