Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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