the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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