it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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