I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
