tonight lets celebrate not being married
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
