Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
