he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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