If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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