Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
