Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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