i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize