We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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