butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
