i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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