I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
