i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We're too hungover to prance.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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