When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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