just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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