I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize