Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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