I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just want nice things and good sex
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i now understand why vodka
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
