too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Blood and glitter go together right?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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