At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
