Umm I'm too high to move.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
